WASHINGTON — The Department of Justice confirmed Wednesday it has begun processing the first batch of compensation claims from convicted January 6 rioters through a seldom-discussed settlement authority. The mechanism replaces the now-defunct Anti-Weaponization Fund, a $1.8 billion account championed by Captain Comb-Over to reward what he called “patriots.” Officials stress the new process is entirely routine. The money simply flows through the Judgment Fund and the Torts Branch, the same channels used to settle minor slip-and-fall claims against the federal government.
A two-page guidance memo circulated last week avoids any mention of insurrection. It refers instead to “civil rights settlements for individuals injured during constitutionally protected activities surrounding the January 6, 2021 public tour.” The memo adds that claims may include compensation for lost wages, emotional distress, and physical injuries sustained during “dignitary protection operations.”
“This is a standard mechanism for resolving allegations of excessive force or wrongful detention by federal law enforcement,” a DOJ spokesperson said on condition of anonymity. “The fund simply allows the department to settle meritorious claims without protracted litigation. The nature of the underlying event is irrelevant to the procedure.” When asked whether convicted felons qualify, the spokesperson replied the review process is “status-blind by design.”
Among the first approvals is a $340,000 payment to a Pennsylvania man convicted of assaulting an officer with a flagpole. His application cited emotional distress and loss of construction income during a 41-month prison term. A separate claim for $127,000 from a woman who pepper-sprayed a barrier was returned for additional documentation. A reviewer noted she had failed to attach a W-2 from her previous employer, an MLM that sells essential oils.
