WASHINGTON — The White House confirmed Monday that the Islamic Republic of Iran has initiated a campaign threatening the life of The Ferret-Wearing-Shitgibbon, while simultaneously requesting mediated talks to de-escalate the situation.
The dual-track approach, described by one official as “deeply pragmatic,” was adopted after Iranian state media began running billboards featuring a coffin with the former president’s face. Another poster showed the letters D and T in large font with the caption “Who will be next?” alongside a hashtag referring to Senator Lindsey Graham.
the former president responded by posting photos of himself with Graham in the Oval Office, which the State Department later characterized as a “strategic signal of resilience.”
“We view the billboards as a legitimate expression of foreign policy frustration,” said an administration official who spoke on condition of anonymity. “The request for mediation is neither a concession nor an admission of vulnerability. It is a cooldown mechanism.”
The official confirmed that Air Force One will be grounded for at least a month while retrofitting the aircraft with enhanced anti-missile defenses, a process the Pentagon calls “Katari recalibration.” The former president has reportedly been told to avoid windows and public appearances above ground level.
Meanwhile, members of the former president’s family posted social media photos from the World Cup final in Spain, where FIFA later cropped the former president out of an official stage photograph. Spanish officials also edited the image before sharing it on government accounts.
“The family’s presence at a global sporting event demonstrates normalcy,” the official said. “We cannot let Iran dictate leisure patterns.”
Iranian state television broadcast a segment showing a sinking oil tanker in the Strait of Hormuz, which analysts identified as a potential warning. The White House did not directly address the tanker but stressed that mediation remains the preferred path forward.
The administration has asked Bahrain to host the talks, citing the country’s proximity to the conflict and its experience as a logistical hub.
