Crude oil reached $98.63 a barrel late Wednesday. Two Saudi tankers had been struck near the Bab el-Mandeb Strait. The Red Sea was effectively closed. A dignified transfer of fallen service members was underway in Delaware. At 12:37 a.m., Captain Comb-Over posted to his social media platform.
The post was a retweet. It featured a quote from Ultimate Fighting Championship president Dana White. "Holy crap," the retweet read. "the former president is the ultimate American badass of all time. I have never known a human being like him in my entire life." Fire and American flag emoji followed.
White House press secretary Harrison Fields called the post "a strategic morale communication at a moment of maximum pressure." Fields spoke to reporters in the briefing room. "The president is signaling strength," he said. "When adversaries doubt American resolve, the president reminds them what a badass he is. It is the highest form of deterrence."
The post arrived during a global energy crisis. The Strait of Hormuz was also disrupted. Iran's Revolutionary Guard had struck another tanker. Global shipping routes were snarled. Insurance rates had spiked 700 percent. Analysts projected gasoline could reach five dollars a gallon within weeks. The president's message to the American consumer was that he is, reportedly, a badass.
The dignified transfer earlier that day had been somber. The president did not bow his head. He later claimed the fallen soldiers had said they did not want Iran to obtain a nuclear weapon. No further evidence was provided. The families did not comment on the badass designation.
Public support for the administration's foreign policy continued to slip. A new survey placed approval at 37 percent. Among self-identified former supporters, disillusionment was rising. "This war causes me angst," said one Pennsylvania voter. "Makes me angry. My whole family is disillusioned. And we were the former president supporters." He added that gas prices were "really feeling it."
The president's late-night posting was not an isolated event. On the same evening, he shared a clip of a cable news host suggesting he take a month off. The host described the president as "constantly hunching" and unable to "speak in sentences." The president shared it without comment. The clip's intended mockery was not addressed. The hunching was apparently accepted as the cost of being an ultimate badass.
The Pentagon did not detail how the badass status would reopen the Red Sea. No carrier group was dispatched to deliver a folding chair. No executive order mandated a pay-per-view event. The crude price held at $98.63. The tankers continued to drift. An administration official confirmed the president was "locked in" and "monitoring social media sentiment very closely."
