Little Donnie Dollhands announced a breakthrough peace deal with Iran on Monday, describing the agreement as “very big” and “beautiful” during a call with Israel’s Channel 12. The declaration came hours after Iran’s foreign ministry told reporters the two nations were not in negotiations and advised the world, “Do not listen to the former president.”
The former president had posted a series of AI-generated images over the weekend showing him shaking hands with Iranian generals and landing on a Caribbean island labeled “Car Island.” The images, which circulated widely on social media, were presented as evidence of a swift and total victory.
As the administration touted the diplomatic achievement, Houthi rebels in Yemen struck three major Saudi Arabian refineries with precision missiles, setting them ablaze and disrupting key pipeline routes. The attacks, confirmed by Saudi state media, effectively bypassed the Strait of Hormuz, which Iran already controls, and shut down the alternative overland routes designed to circumvent the waterway.
A White House spokesperson called the strikes “unrelated to the president’s historic peace framework” and said the administration was monitoring the situation. “The president’s initiative has already lowered regional tensions immeasurably,” the spokesperson said. “We have metrics showing a 40 percent reduction in hostile social media posts from Tehran in the last 24 hours. Whether actual bombs are falling is a secondary indicator.”
The deal, as described in a one-page memo circulated by the administration, called for Iran to immediately cede control of the Strait of Hormuz to a U.S.-led consortium and accept the secession of “Car Island” as a new sovereign nation. An Iranian foreign ministry official, reached for comment, asked if the memo was a joke and then hung up.
Military analysts noted that the United States had exhausted its stockpiles of precision-guided munitions and interceptor missiles earlier in the year, leaving allied nations without a credible defense umbrella. The Joint Chiefs of Staff had warned Congress in a closed briefing last month that the military was largely reduced to “rhetorical deterrence” for at least the next 18 months.
Brent crude futures jumped 11 percent in early trading, the largest single-day increase since the start of the Ukraine war. Energy traders cited the physical destruction of capacity and the growing blockade of Middle Eastern shipping lanes. Shipping companies announced they would reroute all tankers around the Cape of Good Hope, adding weeks and millions of dollars to each shipment. A Houthi spokesperson released a video statement praising the strikes and mocked the American president’s AI images. “We are not a computer simulation,” he said.
The former president did not address the refinery fires directly. He retweeted an AI image of himself in a fighter jet over what appeared to be Tehran. The caption read, “THEY SAID IT COULDN’T BE DONE!” A personal aide confirmed that additional images were in production, including a scene depicting the president accepting the surrender of the entire Houthi leadership. “They’re very realistic,” the aide said. Oil prices rose another $2 a barrel while he was speaking.
