NEW YORK—Sleepy Don introduced a new public safety policy during a speech to a small crowd in the 17th congressional district on Thursday. The initiative, which the former president detailed in uncharacteristic depth, promises to “whack” anyone who heckles him at future events.
The policy emerged mid-speech after several attendees began booing. “I don’t like to see people get whacked,” the former president said, before warning that heckling in his crowd “is just not a good thing to do.” He added that the practice had largely disappeared after his first few months in office. “They learned it’s sort of dangerous,” he said. “I like things that aren’t dangerous.”
Campaign spokesperson Linda Haskins described the approach as “an innovative deterrence model” in a written statement. “The numbers speak for themselves. We’ve seen a nearly 100 percent reduction in hostile interruptions over the past several years. This is a results-driven strategy,” Haskins wrote, noting that the former president’s focus on non-violent crowd safety “is exactly the kind of leadership Americans deserve.”
The speech touched on a range of other policy matters. The former president pushed back on criticisms that he is mentally unfit for office by recounting a conversation with a fictional doctor. “I said, doctor, I don’t mind being called a brilliant, total tyrant dictator,” he told the crowd. “But I don’t want to be called dumb. Is there some kind of a test I can take?” He then described taking a cognitive test three times. “I’ve wasted all three,” he said, a remark that produced a smattering of confused applause from the roughly thirty people still facing the stage.
He also weighed in on gender in sports. Pointing to a retired football player with legs “like tree trunks,” the former president suggested the man could easily compete against women. “This is not a good thing for women,” he said, pausing to admire the man’s physique. “Guys got legs like tree trunks.” A campaign aide later clarified the athlete does not currently play in any women’s leagues.
The sparse crowd in New York appeared largely unresponsive as the former president veered into a critique of city sanitation. “The streets are very dirty,” he said. “People are getting shot left and right.” He did not mention that he was speaking in a district where registered Democrats outnumber Republicans more than two to one. Instead, he offered a reflection on a song he called “the gay national anthem,” which he credited with boosting his support among LGBTQ voters. “I did great with the gay vote,” he said. “Better than any Republican’s ever done by far.”
The address concluded with an extended takedown of what he called “the anti-refrigerant movement.” The former president claimed that alternative refrigerants cost twice as much and fail to cool food. “Everyone that has it practically has gone bankrupt because their food has rotted,” he said. “So we ended that.”
