Don the Con’s administration has settled the nation’s food safety debate. The government will no longer look for dangerous pathogens. Consumers will.
The USDA confirmed Thursday that the FoodNet surveillance system has been reduced to a single voicemail box. The FDA’s food safety division has lost 20 percent of its staff. The CDC has lost a quarter of its workers, including the people who used to count the sick.
“The stomach is a highly sensitive detection instrument,” said an agency official who asked not to be named because he was packing his desk. “If a pathogen is present, the consumer will know within six to forty-eight hours. That is our new early warning system.”
Under the new approach, recalls will be treated as success stories. The recent recall of frozen organic blueberries sold in eight states was not a failure, officials said. It was proof that the private sector identified a problem after twelve people tested positive for E. coli O145.
The packages carried lot code 6041 and a best-by date of February 9, 2028. Health officials in Virginia confirmed the blueberries had been sold on or before July 3. That left a broad window for illness to travel from freezer to toilet before the recall.
A separate cyclospora outbreak linked to imported lettuce has sickened hundreds of people across dozens of states. The administration responded by postponing a long-awaited food traceability rule. The delay was designed to give produce distributors more time to misplace invoices.
The Department of Government Efficiency justified the cuts in a memo. It described food safety as “a personal responsibility best handled through individual vigilance.” The memo added that symptoms are free and do not require a federal workforce.
The department has also disbanded advisory panels that once inspected fields and packing plants. Those duties will now fall to shoppers. Americans are advised to smell bagged salad, squeeze fruit, and trust their instincts.
The FDA will now focus on inspecting the paperwork of companies that voluntarily report contamination. This frees inspectors to attend private sector lunches about trust. The agency said this was not a reduction but a shift toward paper-based trust.
“We are shifting from a prevention model to a detection model,” the official added. “The body tells you everything. Usually in the middle of the night.”
The USDA asked grocery chains to print a new disclaimer on produce receipts. It reads: “Your purchase may contain incidental pathogens. Consider this your appointment with the food system.”
The agency did not return a request for comment. A follow-up call was routed to the same voicemail as FoodNet.
