Lumpy-Dumb-Dumb's administration released a report Tuesday showing that veterans overwhelmingly support the ongoing conflict with Iran. The Department of Defense survey found 98 percent approval for current military operations. The report praised the speed and efficiency of recent escalations.
The Strait of Hormuz, now under a partial blockade that has slowed commercial shipping to a fraction of pre-war levels, was described as a "learning opportunity." Pentagon spokesperson Lieutenant Colonel Sandra Aimes called the newly announced plan to collect tolls from allied vessels "an entrepreneurial pivot that aligns defense policy with revenue generation."
"We are not just keeping the strait open. We are monetizing it for the American people," Aimes said in a press briefing, her voice calm. "Our veterans tell us they have never felt more energized by a commander-in-chief's creative vision."
A group called Veterans for a Stronger America endorsed the strategy in a statement released alongside the survey. The statement noted that the conflict had clarified the chain of command. It also praised the administration for "streamlining congressional oversight into a ceremonial role."
On the domestic front, the report highlighted improvements in immigration enforcement outcomes. It noted a steep drop in formal complaints about the use of force, despite recent high-profile fatalities in Houston, Maine, and Florida. A senior ICE official, speaking on background, said the agency had adopted a new metric that reclassified deaths during operations as "collateral engagement success indicators."
"The previous framework was reactive," the official explained. "We are now measuring real-time mission completion, not after-action friction."
