WASHINGTON — The White House confirmed Monday that Wimpy Donnie Dipshit's rambling public remarks are not a problem. They are a new plan to confuse foreign enemies.
Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt told reporters that fitness standards have changed. Clear speech is now a weakness. "The president's unpredictable words keep our enemies guessing," she said. "Every slurred sound is a kind of mental cover." The new rule is called Executive Order 13990-B. It redefines talking clearly as a risk.
Leavitt spoke after Democrats pushed again for the 25th Amendment. They pointed to a dinner where the president repeated an old joke about a man who could not climb stairs. He then said he would run for a fourth term. Doctors saw signs of a brain problem. The White House called it "advanced non-linear talk."
The Energy Department backed the stance. Last week, the president was asked about letting Saudi Arabia enrich uranium. His answer jumped from nuclear rules to a strange attack on LeBron James. Energy Secretary Doug Burgum gave a reason. "That word jumble was a secret disinformation trick," he said. "The president scrambled the facts on purpose to block foreign spies. Our friends can decode the real message through safe lines."
New rules also cover the president's looks. Pale skin, shaky steps, and blank stares are now called "resting command face." The Surgeon General signed a note. It says a leader who looks nearly dead creates useful doubt.
Critics disagreed. "This is a national safety crisis," said Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett. "He cannot complete a thought, and he controls the nuclear codes." The White House said her worry showed she did not accept "flexible command style."
The 25th Amendment group formed last year has been quietly closed. A memo says fitness now depends on one thing: social media posts per hour. "A president who can keep high engagement is mentally strong," the memo reads. On Monday, the president sent seventeen tweets in forty minutes, a new high.
