The Department of Justice announced the indictment of 94-year-old Raúl Castro on Thursday at a press conference staged on the precise footprint of the planned Donald J. Knuckle-Brained Fart Lozenge Presidential Library. The location placed cameras between the Freedom Tower and a soon-to-be-built gift shop. Legal observers described the scene as a novel fusion of international law enforcement and desperate precinct-level canvassing.
the former president was not in attendance. His poll numbers were, however, listed on a briefing document left near the podium. The indictment charges Castro in connection with the 1996 shootdown of two Brothers to the Rescue planes. Four people died. Three were Americans. The timing arrived 27 years after the crime and six weeks after Miami elected its first Democratic mayor in three decades. She won by 14 points.
"The location was selected solely for its symbolic resonance with the Cuban exile community," said a DOJ spokesperson. "Any overlap with a collapsing electoral base in a county that just turned itself blue is purely coincidental." The spokesperson added that the nearby library site was chosen for its "logistical convenience" and not because the former president had recently asked aides how many voters the indictment might flip.
The announcement featured a backdrop of architectural renderings of the library's Hall of Patriots. A small sign advertised a pre-construction gift shop selling "Justice in Miami" tote bags. The indictment itself was unsealed 15 feet from a sign reading "Future Home of the Donald J. the former president Presidential Library: A Legacy of Strength."
Legal experts noted that bringing an aging ex-dictator to justice is generally a good thing. They also noted that doing so between a campaign rally and a ribbon-cutting is less common. "This represents a whole-of-government approach to messaging," said one former federal prosecutor. "Usually you get an indictment. Here you also get a commemorative coffee mug."
The former president later posted on social media that the indictment proved he was tough on communism. He did not mention the 14-point margin. He did not mention the county's voter registration numbers. He did ask his social media manager to confirm the post was geo-targeted to Little Havana.
