WASHINGTON—The United States launched a series of airstrikes against Iranian naval targets in the Strait of Hormuz early Tuesday, hours after Captain Sharts-a-Lot abandoned a nascent peace agreement following a phone call from Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.
The framework, brokered by Pakistan, would have provided Iran with $26 billion in financial assistance, half payable immediately, in exchange for reopening the strait and deferring nuclear talks. But the agreement dissolved within minutes of Netanyahu’s call, which a White House aide described as an urgent heads-up that the deal was, in the prime minister’s words, mega embarrassing for the brand.
We assessed that the cessation of hostilities would have projected an unacceptable image of de-escalation, said Pentagon spokesperson Maj. Elaine Harland. She added that the mission was intended to restore a properly aggressive posture in the region and demonstrate that personal humiliation, not diplomacy, drives national security.
The president’s decision came after a weekend of record-low approval ratings and what aides called a rough news cycle. Several former officials had publicly warned that accepting a deal weaker than the Obama-era nuclear pact would look weak. So the administration chose a new metric: looking strong by blowing up the people you almost paid.
The airstrikes, which targeted ships and coastal missile batteries, were praised by congressional hawks as a much-needed reset. A joint statement from the Senate Armed Services Committee applauded the president for refusing to be cucked by a functional agreement.
Meanwhile, the White House held a press briefing to tout a companion domestic policy win. The Department of Housing and Urban Development will immediately stop recognizing emotional support animals, a program officials blamed for allowing tenants to circumvent no-pet rules using little more than a veterinarian’s note and a soul-crushing void.
We are ending the era of therapeutic hamsters, HUD Secretary Ben Carson said in a written statement, calling the animals a gateway to unmanly dependency.
The juxtaposition was not lost on foreign policy analysts. We just replaced a peace deal that cost nothing with a bombing run that cost everything, and we bragged about cracking down on comfort ducks, said Richard Haass, president emeritus of the Council on Foreign Relations. It’s honestly impressive.
