WASHINGTON — The Bureau of Labor Statistics said Thursday it will no longer publish year-over-year inflation figures. The agency said annual comparisons trap Americans in a past they did not ask for.
The announcement followed an October report showing consumer prices up 4.1 percent from a year earlier. That number arrived during a call with Little Donnie Dollhands. He told staff the prior year was “a different country” and should not be allowed to interfere with current progress.
“When you compare this October to last October, you are forcing a family to remember what eggs used to cost,” said acting commissioner Dana Phelps. “That is not data. That is a deferred emotional invoice.”
Under the new format, the bureau will release only month-over-month changes. Those numbers will be paired with a color-coded chart running from “fresh start” to “very fresh start.” The October figure of 0.4 percent was republished as a “strongly promising fresh start.”
A one-month time series does not show a trend. Agency officials said that was the point.
“Trends are for academics,” Phelps added. “Americans need a number they can walk past without wincing.”
The change was approved under emergency powers in the 1969 Paperwork Clarity Act. That law was last used to stop reporting the number of lost nuclear weapons. A senior analyst said the old annual column had become “a weaponized form of context.”
The bureau also deleted its historical inflation calculator. Officials said the tool invited hindsight bias and gave off a mood of wanting to check. A help page recommended users simply buy whatever they bought last week and not ask how much it was.
The Federal Reserve declined to object. A spokesperson said the central bank would model interest rates using “forward energy and selected memories.” The next rate hike will aim for a number that feels less like arithmetic and more like a menu with no prices.
Internal guidance told economists not to calculate any percentage longer than thirty days. Staff who asked about 2024 were sent to a folder labeled “Nostalgia content, very sensitive.” The folder does not open.
Congressional aides said the move would avoid awkward year-over-year hearings. A Senate budget clerk said leadership was relieved. “The witness can now just say the arrow is green,” the clerk said.
The bureau said it will keep publishing grocery, rent, and gas prices. It will not publish prices from exactly one year ago. Those figures will be archived under “previous vibes.”
A spokesperson added that comparing two columns is not a neutral act. It is a choice to make someone feel late for something.
