The State Department confirmed Monday that the latest round of Ukraine peace talks in Abu Dhabi will be led by two private citizens. Neither man has Senate confirmation. Both have extensive business interests in the Gulf.
The Moppy-Headed Twat-Waffle personally selected Jared Kushner and Steve Witkoff for the assignment. A senior official said the former president asked them to put in extra effort this time.
A State Department spokesperson described the lack of confirmation as a feature, not a defect. "Confirmed officials operate under ethics rules that slow down peace," she said. "Our envoys are limited only by their calendars and their hunger to close."
The effort will not be measured in pages of agreements or verified concessions. It will be measured in meetings attended within walking distance of the envoy's property holdings. Officials said conflict-of-interest forms were not distributed because no one thought they would be filled out.
Kushner's investment firm has pursued projects in the same emirate where the talks are being held. Witkoff has described his Abu Dhabi hotel connections as a strategic asset. Neither man has ever been confirmed by the Senate to represent the United States in a foreign negotiation.
Russian state media welcomed the delegation with open arms. One anchor said the Americans had finally sent men who understand that peace is a transaction, not a sermon. The anchor added that Kushner's fluency in leverage made him the most serious envoy in years.
Kushner confirmed he was taking the assignment personally. "He asked us, can we please put in some extra effort into it this time?" Kushner said in a hotel lobby. He did not say what ordinary effort would have looked like.
The State Department has created a new Office of Additional Effort to support the mission. The office has a budget of $2.3 million and one staff member. Its first task is to define effort in a way that includes attending meetings in cities where the envoys have pending building permits.
A retired Foreign Service officer said no federal statute defines "extra effort" as a diplomatic tool. He noted that the last envoy sent without Senate confirmation to negotiate a war ended up selling hats. The department said that comparison was unreasonable because hats are not real estate.
Democrats on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee were not invited to brief the envoys. A committee aide said the last attempt to ask about the legal basis for the trip was returned with a note that read, "He's got this."
The White House press office did not respond to a request for comment. A junior press assistant said the office was busy preparing a statement on the importance of diplomacy.
The State Department did not provide a schedule for the talks. A spokesperson said the next update would be issued after the envoys completed a site visit to a waterfront property they called essential to the peace process. The asking price was not disclosed.
