The official White House account posted at 2:14 a.m. Tuesday to announce that "patriots are in control" of a country where Democrats hold the House, the Senate, a majority of governorships, and most state legislative chambers. The account was operating under the direction of Sweet Potato Hitler. The post included a photo of the former president and the words "No panakans, patriots in control, by the way."
The claim followed a night in which Alaska Democrat Mary Peltola widened her lead to 49 percent against a combined 47.2 percent for two Republican challengers. In Mississippi, Democratic nominee Scott Colom built a lead that election analysts described as "numerically inconvenient" for the White House.
Hours earlier, the same account shared a photo of Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth with the caption, "We didn't start this war. Iran did 47 years ago. But the president is willing to do what no other president would. He did not kick the can. He kicked their teeth." The post did not explain whose teeth were kicked or what dental victory had been achieved.
"The president has always said that control is a state of mind," said White House deputy communications director Marcus Feld. "The Democrats can have their majorities. We have the narrative." Feld added that the White House considered the overnight posts a "strategic reframing of the term 'governing majority.'"
The reframing required immediate legal adjustment. The Justice Department confirmed Tuesday that its attorneys had been barred from immigration enforcement cases after a federal judge found they had repeatedly lied to him. A DOJ memo said prosecutors no longer had enough lawyers to answer habeas petitions filed by detained immigrants.
"We have streamlined the process by not having a process," said an agency official. "That is a form of efficiency." Agency staff described the shortage as a "paperwork surge that resolved itself."
House leadership celebrated after an impeachment vote against Hegseth failed because 11 Democrats were absent. The White House later attacked Representative Thomas Massie for pointing out that the vote had been postponed twice. A House Republican aide said the fact that the vote kept not happening proved the vote was not necessary, adding, "That is how majorities work now."
The official account also posted a photo of Hegseth beside the words, "Stand, fight, defend the republic." The account did not specify which republic. The Senate had confirmed Hegseth by a 51-50 vote, with the vice president breaking the tie.
On Monday, a Democratic senator offered to support universal healthcare if the former president would put his name on it. She cited $225 billion in existing medical debt. "I don't care what it's called; I want people to have healthcare in this country," she said.
